How to make better decisions using Tarot
An excerpt from my one-day-forthcoming book on how to use Tarot to recover from perfectionism and people-pleasing
Welcome! This is the Sunday Soother, a weekly newsletter about compassionate personal growth, practical spirituality, and authentic living, written by me, Catherine Andrews, a life coach, teacher, and writer. Did somebody forward this to you? Subscribe here.
Happy Sunday, Soothers! Today’s newsletter is an excerpt from the book I am currently drafting, Tarot for People-Pleasers and Perfectionists: How to Use the Cards to Stop Self-Abandoning, Set Boundaries, and Finally Trust Yourself.
Speaking of books! My book coach Maureen Wiley is hosting a free writer’s challenge this Leo season, all about visibility and doing the thing! Read more and sign up here.
Re: this book process: when I say “an excerpt from my one-day-forthcoming book,” here’s what I mean:
I am currently writing the proposal. I have no book agent. I have no book deal. My plan is to submit my proposal to a writer’s contest in August, where the winner receives a publishing deal. If it doesn’t place in that contest, I’ll start querying agents. And if no agents want this book, I will self-publish it.
I share all of this to show you that nobody starts with it all figured out. Nobody starts perfect. I’m a recovering perfectionist, and this process —ugh, this entire book journey—is me taking messy step after messy step, being willing to fail publicly, and showing up anyway. It has been harrowing and taken me YEARS to get to this point, precisely because this is such a core, vulnerable desire of mine, to be a full-time writer and author. I’m 45, writing a first-time book, and my subconscious has been making up excuse after excuse of why NOT to do this, to try writing a book, to protect myself. Joke’s on them! It only took me 25+ years to get here! Ha ha! Ha… ha… hmm….
Anyways, I want to model this whole thing for you, not because I’m doing it perfectly, but precisely because I’m not. I want you to see that you don’t need to be confident or polished or guaranteed success to begin. You just have to start. That’s what I’m doing, and I want to encourage you to do the same, especially if you’re thinking about doing The Thing.
That said, if you know an agent who might be interested in a book like this…. you know where to send ‘em.
Let’s dive in!
Tarot Isn’t Here to Make Your Decisions. It’s Here to Help You Trust Yourself
People-pleasers and perfectionists are experts at outsourcing their power. We ask everyone around us what they think before we listen to our own gut. We poll friends, therapists, mentors, Instagram followers, even strangers.
We’re not just looking for insight; I think what we’re actually looking for is permission.
Why? Because underneath perfectionism and people-pleasing is often a deep fear:
What if I get it wrong?
What if I make a choice that leads to failure?
What if I disappoint someone?
What if I’m judged or blamed or—worst of all—feel regret?
What if I don’t know what I’m doing?
These fears don’t come out of nowhere. For many of us, especially those with codependent patterns, we grew up in environments where making a mistake felt dangerous. Maybe we were punished, ridiculed, or expected to be the one who held everything (and everyone) together.
Over time, we learned that being “good” meant making the “right” choices: choices that kept the peace, pleased others, and avoided conflict at all costs. We became masters of self-abandonment in the name of approval and safety.
So it’s no surprise that when we discover something like Tarot—a beautiful, intuitive, mystical tool—we might bring those same patterns along. We ask the cards:
“Should I do this?”
“What’s the right choice?”
“What if I mess it up?”
“Just TELL me: Yes or no?”
All hail Phoebe Waller-Bridge. What we’re trying to get Tarot to do for us (from Fleabag season 2)
We turn Tarot into just another authority figure. Another place to outsource our power. Another source of certainty in a world that feels overwhelming. We unintentionally become codependent with the cards—checking them constantly, second-guessing ourselves, needing their input before we move.
I know this pattern intimately, because I’ve lived it. There was a time early in my Tarot journey when I was pulling cards for every single decision: Should I send this email? Should I text that person? Should I post today? I was pulling multiple times a day, shuffling like my life depended on it. I felt like I had found the tool—finally, something that understood me, that spoke my language, that could give me clarity in a chaotic world. That could just tell me what the hell to do.
I was so grateful to have found Tarot that one day I asked the deck, “What can I do for you to honor this relationship?” The cards I pulled? The Four of Pentacles and The Devil. I laughed out loud. The Four of Pentacles is all about boundaries, needing physical space, holding back. And The Devil? It calls us to look at our attachments, addictions, and—you guessed it—codependency.
The message was clear: Back off. We both need a little room. So I did. I thanked the deck, space cleared it, put it in a drawer for a few days, and let us both breathe.
It was such a loving reminder: even something as magical and wise as Tarot can become just another place we try to control, obsess, or outsource our agency to. The work is in staying in relationship with the tool, but not becoming dependent on it.
Because Tarot was never meant to be a Magic 8 Ball.
It’s not a divine approval stamp.
And it’s certainly not your boss.
Tarot is a mirror. A compassionate, clear-eyed mirror that helps you see what’s already inside you. When used wisely, it doesn’t override your agency—it restores it. It doesn’t tell you what to do—it helps you remember who you are.
If you struggle with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or codependency, one of the most radical acts of healing you can practice is making a decision without asking for permission. Not from your family. Not from your friends. Not even from the cards.
Tarot can walk alongside you, but it can’t walk the path for you.
So when you’re facing a choice—about a relationship, a job, a move, a creative leap—pause before you rush to the cards with the question, “What should I do?”
Instead, ask questions more along these lines:
“What energy lives inside each option?”
“What will this choice ask of me?”
“What version of me might this path grow me into?”
These kinds of questions don’t strip you of your power. They activate it.
Because ultimately, only you know what’s aligned. Only you can choose what’s next. Only you can live your life.
Tarot can guide you. It does an excellent job of illuminating the terrain. But it wants to let you decide how to walk it.
The truth is, if you struggle with codependency, people-pleasing, or perfectionism, one of the most healing things you can do is learn to make a decision from your own internal authority. Tarot can support that—not by giving you a black-and-white answer, but by helping you understand the energy behind each potential path.
Here’s how:
A 3-Step Tarot Practice for Embodied Decision-Making
Step 1: Get clear on the choices.
In your journal, write the decision you're struggling with at the top of the page. Then, list out all your potential options. Don’t just go binary—“yes or no.” Get detailed. For example, if you’re thinking about quitting your current job because you got an offer for a new one, you might write as your choices:
Take the new job
Stay in my current job
Quit my current job but don’t take the new one
Stay for 3-6 more months in my current job, then reassess
Step 2: Pull cards for the energy behind each option.
Instead of asking “Should I take the job?” ask: “What is the energy behind this choice?”
Pull one card for each option. This shifts your role from passive receiver to active participant.
You’re not asking the cards to choose for you—you’re asking them to reveal what each choice might feel like or require of you.
Step 3: Feel it in your body.
Look at the cards and notice: What lands? What contracts? What opens? Which card stirs your curiosity or a sense of alignment? Which brings up dread or exhaustion?
This is your intuition speaking.
Tarot can’t (and shouldn’t) make your decision for you. That’s not its job. That’s your job.
But it can help you come home to yourself. It can help you notice your body’s wisdom. It can help you stop outsourcing your life to everyone else, including your deck.
You’re not asking the cards to save you. Rather, you’re inviting them to support you.
The question isn’t: What should I do?
It’s: Which energy feels most aligned with who I’m becoming?
Okay, Soothers. I’d love to invite you to try this practice yourself: What’s a decision you’re currently sitting with—big or small? Use the 3-step process above to explore the energy behind your options, and then come back and share what came up for you. What did the cards reveal? What did you feel in your body? What surprised you? I’d be honored to hear how this lands for you—feel free to share in the comments or hit reply and tell me what you discovered.
Also: Did you know I offer Tarot readings? Read more about them at my services page here (scroll down).
xo
Catherine
PS: If you liked this post, please hit the “heart” button below, share it on Notes, or forward it to a person in your life who needs help making a decision from their heart (with an assist from the cards).
PPS: I know that not everybody wants to or can afford a monthly Substack subscription. While some features of my newsletter will stay behind a paywall (my weekly Tarot forecasts, for example) I intend to do my best to keep these longer posts free for all. If you find use in them, instead of becoming a monthly subscriber, you can simply leave me an occasional tip of an amount of your choosing at this link. The exchange is appreciated!
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